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That was not what I expected



           I hadn't really paid attention to my surroundings much. I hadn't looked at my body just yet. The first site of my body, it scared me so much. I have tubes, wires, and a bunch of staples. I would say about 30 or so. When the surgeon came in the next day he changed my dressing. When I tell you this it's not lie, the most scariest thing I have ever experienced so far in my life. 

           My surgeon started to slowly pull my dressing off my wound. This was it. This was the first time I would see what the damage was. I felt damaged. As he pulled the dressing off I saw my scar started maybe a few inches down from my chest. I noticed what looked like some sort of rope. It almost reminded me of a leather purse stitch. I was actually intrigued by this. I still hadn't come to terms what had been happening. I just new I had a long recovery. As my surgeon looks over my wounds, he checked out the dressing on my jpouch tubes. 

          J pouches are weird. They go in both the bottom left and right. They place them in you. So at this point I had tubes coming out so many places, mind you I still had my ng tube as well. This time it was a little further down. I had a heart monitor on to watch out because I was on potassium. How they put the heart monitor one of the cnas clipped ro my johnnys neck. I remember it being so heavy. Everything hurt and now this dam monitor is pulling my neck down and feel even more weighted down. They came in 3 times a day plus when I called them. So at night when I wanted to sleep, the nurses and cnas would come and take care of me. This first night I remember my back hurting so bad. I so desperately wanted to go on my side. I had all these tubes and wires and I couldn't do anything. I felt helpless. At this point I didn't need to be walked into the bathroom because I had a catheter in. I am so glad I didn't feel that being placed. 

        That night my cna turned me on my side. She put a bunch pillows up against my back and support me. I felt relief like maybe I could sleep.. I needed sleep so bad.

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