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The mark of a scar

I had opened my eyes from a short nap in the morning. Early in the morning CNAs would  come in and do vitals and then surgeon/doctor would come in to evaluate me. He would also check my wound. At this point I had not really seen what had been done. I had seen tubes coming out every orfus and I think we didn't touch the bandage right away.

    This particular morning I was again woken up around 7:00am. At first CNA were coming into more often then not. At some points I was the only person critical at the hospital. The nurse would come in the morning to give out medications and also check bandages if they needed to be changed. I would also get my morning Heparin shot. Oh man the Heparin burned. They had to put it in my thigh and every time I got one they would  change sides. They also left this awful bruises and lumps behind. The Heparin shot was like fire. I had never really been a big fan of shots  so this was big for me. When you are on bed rest they have to give you this shot so you don't develop clots. All you have for circulation were those booties they put on that massage your feet.  They are not little. These circulation massage was amazing, but of course my wife's massage was much better. 

      So my surgeon came in early this day. I just had a big surgery and I was the only sick person on the ward that day. It was the weekend. So my surgeon comes in to ask me how I am feeling and to look around at my stomach. Today was the day he wanted to check my wound and change the bandages. He started to remove the bandage and I was so anxious.This whole complications of Crohns was really scary. I was going to be seeing where my surgeon had to cut me open in order to save me. It was hard to comprehend a lot of what was going on because it was so traumatizing. Here goes nothing. I looked down and I was astonished at what I saw, He explained to me that he had to add packing at first so it could collect any infection or very little if any fluids that come out where they had to open me up.

      I saw staples, so many staples. I was absolutely amazed at how many there were. One, two, three, and I couldn't count anymore. I asked Megan to take a photograph of my incision. I wanted to have this picture to remind  me of how far I have come. This disease was awful and what it does to your body is awful. As I saw the staples I also saw the packing. Weaved in and out of the staples. I thought at the time it looked like leather and it reminded me of a purse or the strap of a purse. How did I find beauty out of this scar. Out of this whole traumatizing event. My surgeon was not ready to take the packing out yet. It was to fresh. So he saw the discharge  and wanted a new bandage obviously because it was dirty and I needed a fresh gauze.

     Wow this was all so new. How is this possible ? I knew this would eventually happen. I was the crohn's  case that didn't have any complications so you couldn't see that they were sick. I mean this was not my first major surgery but obviously my bowel perforating it was then trauma. 

   Before the surgeon left I asked when could I get my catheter out. Not today he replied.. I needed to stay on bed rest. It was not good to walk immediately. So keeping the cath in was the best idea. It was a bummer. They were changing the bag that collected the urine left and right. They were worried I wouldn't be able to feel my bladder. I could though. I had so much fluid coming out of me, how would I not know? Maybe the next day. I hoped and I prayed I could get a tube of any sorts. I was so cooped up in this bed with tubes.It was so uncomfortable. I had tears coming from my eyes. I was so frustrated with everything going on. My heart was racing, I had more anxiety. At this point it was my best option to get medication and a nap in.

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